One Good Lie
Last week I told my daughter that the tooth fairy was real.
She was sitting at the kitchen counter wiggling her crooked bottom tooth for possibly the hundredth time since she woke up and after a minute she went silent.
I looked up from buttering toast to find her concerned.
“Mama, is the tooth fairy real?”
I studied her wide coffee brown eyes, the hair metal band chaos on top of her head and laughed.
Just like so many parents before, I didn’t have it in me to be honest.
“Yes, of course she’s real! And, you know what else?” I said.
“What?” She grinned excitedly.
“I heard she leaves chocolate for the really cute little girls.”
Her eyes glittered. I tell her she’s really cute all the time.
In that instant, the tooth fairy existed - it was gospel to Adelaide. As certain as I was the moment I heard my husband laugh for the first time, I was that convinced - she needed the lie.
We’re both not ready for her to know the truth. I can’t even get used to the fact that she’s old enough to start shedding teeth.
I get why the concept of “the tooth fairy” was invented - a scary thing happens. You’re 4-7ish years old, bebopping through life when all of a sudden your TEETH start getting loose. THEN, they fall out of your mouth! WTH. Like, POOF - they’re gone. It’s absurd when you really think about it. But, the tooth fairy? The tooth fairy makes it all good. She brings you a couple bucks to soften the blow, everybody is happy. Case closed.
I started thinking about all the times in my life where I really could have used a “tooth fairy” lie.
Like the fall semester of my freshmen year in college when I made a D in English. I can still smell the scent of hot pockets permeating the air and visualize a trio of plastic shower caddies littering the tile floor of my shared dorm room. In the hallways I can hear the echoes of Natasha Beddingfield singing hopefully about staring at blank pages and how the rest is still unwritten. All that pomp & circumstance and I made a D in English.
I had this jack daniels hat that I wore sometimes that I bought at hot topic. I didn’t even like whiskey. Never have.
I was lost and by the time December rolled around I was the blondest I’d ever been in my life.
A few months later I plunged my tiny car into the back of a suv on the interstate in Knoxville. Traffic came to freezing & sudden halt, and I just wasn’t quick enough on my brakes.
That day I learned absolutely nothing except how to feel real sorry for myself and that I didn’t much like little cars.
Life is hard. Life is short. You need truth. But, sometimes you need a lie. I could have used the tooth fairy then.
We were on vacation recently at Disney world. I know, SHOCKER.
I was in the women’s restroom next to the Cheshire Cafe in Magic Kingdom washing my hands when a girl walked in and dumped her bag on the floor by the main entrance to the bathroom. She then sashayed to an open stall and closed the door. I’d guess she was maybe 11-12 years old.
I stood there for a minute, super confused.
“What the heck just happened?” I said out loud.
A moment later I heard a flush, she opened the door and glided over by me to wash her hands.
I studied her like an endangered zoo animal. Was she the last of her kind?
She then dried her hands, grabbed her bag and disappeared.
My first thought was - HELL, that was all very strange.
Then I thought - man, I wish I could not have a care in the world like that! To leave your bag out in the public restroom of a popular theme park and not worry? What a legend that girl was.
It’s 4:30 in the morning as I type this. Preston is laughing as loud as he can in the next room while I pray for him to go back to sleep. He just doesn’t sometimes, I can’t answer why because I don’t know.
With the exception of our recent family vacation, it’s been a tremendously hard two months. I haven’t been able to admit that to myself until now, but lately, I’ve faked more than a few smiles.
We’ve entered this new territory in ABA therapy with Preston. It’s called sanitizing, except there isn’t any Lysol or windex involved, just tears and uncertainty.
Sanitizing is the process of removing clutter and distracting items from a learning environment. Basically, we’ve taken all of Prestons preferred toys away at our home in hopes that it will improve his concentration during in home therapy. I feel certain that this must be the controversial part of ABA. I always knew we’d reach a point in this process where I’d need to stop and reassess the therapeutic strategy. I was warned many times but I didn’t know it’d feel this way?
I find myself staring at my sulky reflection in the mirror a little longer than normal saying,
“Is he going to hate me one day for doing this to him?”
“Where did all these wrinkles come from?”
“Am I a bad person?”
I could use a really good lie right now. A tooth fairy lie.
I could have also used a real good lie back when I made that D in freshmen English. I suppose it all turned out alright, but I still imagine that professor might give me a D- on every post I’ve made so far on this website. All I can do now is laugh when one of y’all approaches me and says “you’re a good writer, Christie.”
Those kind words I’ve heard a lot recently just might be the good lie I need right now.
I love y’all for reading, for all the undeserved encouragement.
You’ve given me a spring in my step that rivals the feeling I get after leaving the pleasant folks at the chick fil a drive thru, and that’s saying a lot. :)
I’ll leave you with an invitation.
If you’re ever lost or in need, find yourself a blank page and hash it all out with ink. It can be on the back of your Costco receipt from the other day or the notes section of your iPhone, but write what is on your heart.
Erase it, throw it in the garbage can after you finish or keep it for the rest of your life. There is no wrong way. But before you do, allow yourself to read your words and digest. Learn & grow - onward, friends!
Below is a photo of Adelaide’s tooth fairy doll I found on Amazon. Above are a few snaps I took of the kids today - Preston wasn’t feeling the camera, Adelaide was feeling it a little too much. :)
